Sometimes we justify our desired outcome as beneficial for others, like the mothers always say "I am doing this for your own good". So how do you know if you are doing it for the good of others? Why don't you ask yourself, "If someone were to do this (whatever you want to do to the other person) to me, will I feel that the person is doing it for my sake?"
In any communication, once you make your audience feel threatened, they will turn on their defense mode against anything that you have to say. When you make your audience feel under attack, do you think you are doing them a favor? Since when do we associate "under attack" with "caring"? Why will we attack someone we care for? We only attack people when we care more about ourselves. So the times when you tried to tell someone you are doing something for their good, please think again, are you sure?
I have learnt this since I was a young care leader, 'If you cannot wait to correct someone, you are doing it out of the wrong motive.' Correction is meant for good. It is to help someone to realize that s/he is going off track and to get back on the right track. Correction does not need to be direct nor stern. It can be done in anyway as long as the person that you are helping gets back on track. The person that you are correcting doesn't even need to know that s/he is being corrected. When you really love the person you want to help, you don't need to make the person to feel the guilt to change. By the way, God does not want us to feel guilty; He doesn't even condemn us. When you want someone to feel the guilt, you are only trying to make the person pay for making you angry.
When we truly want to do it for the other person's good, then just do what is necessary to bring about the good outcome. Whether the person realizes that s/he has done something wrong previously is secondary. The more important thing is whether the person know how to do the right things to be right with God. The person will feel the pain of failing God when s/he realizes the mistake when God decides to reveal it to him/her - maybe through you, maybe not. It is not your's or my job to make the person feel bad. Don't decide for God or the person how it should be done.
When we can't wait to correct someone; tell someone that you think s/he did wrong; tell the person what s/he should do to be right... when we can't wait to do that... what does it reveal about ourselves? "I need to tell the person before it is too late" - ya, right. If it is not about life and death, there is no need to rush. If whatever that is going to come out of your mouth is not going to help build the person up - shut up, because further aggravation from you is going to make the person close up from receiving any help from anyone else with regards to the situation. If you can't help it (where got cannot help it? we not animals you know.), then you jolly well accept the consequences aka the back lash. If you throw a tennis ball against a hard wall, the ball will come back to you right? So if you are going to give a correction to someone whose defenses are up, you think they will receive your 'good gesture'? So don't ask why people don't appreciate your 'concerns' because they don't feel the concern.
A person who is known to speak wisely is someone who speaks slower than his/her mind thinks. Such people do not take matters at face values but evaluates the situation from all aspects before making a judgement. But yet, this person will think about the consequences of sharing his/her evaluation plainly before saying it. Sometimes people simply do not know how to handle your evaluation - they may not be ready to accept the fact (for whatever reasons) or perhaps they do not think in the same way as you do; so sharing it with them as soon as you have evaluated a situation may not be that wise.
You may be right about something, so what? What do you want to prove? Therefore, sometimes even when you know you got it right, you need not share the information... until you sense (from the holy spirit's leading) that it is time to reveal your findings for the good of others.
